i had recently gotten married, was working too many hours in high tech, volunteering with middle schoolers and other students whenever possible, and keeping so busy that i would find myself getting up in the middle of the night to do the dishes or send an email or leave a confusing voicemail for myself at work…trying to chase down all of the things i felt like i’d somehow missed during the day.
working at home, i would get up in the morning, put on sock (not a mis-spell; if i couldn’t find the matching sock within 4 seconds, i’d just walk around in one), get on my computer…..then, 10 hours later, try to shift from work-brain back to life, never finding time to finish everything. Soon, it became apparent that the important stuff was getting missed. Those were the things waking me up in the middle of the night.
a friend who was also finding herself in newlywed-overwork chaos would meet me for burritos, and we’d talk thru what we could do to reign things in a bit. Somehow, out of those conversations, i realized that i really could not do EVERYTHING. But, maybe if i did just SOMETHING everyday that meant more than an excel spreadsheet full of data to me, then that would be enough. Life needed to be about more than work and deadlines and stress.
so, i came up with a system to help remember what i wanted to focus on during all of those waking hours between work. Each night, i’d run through the list in my brain and try to account for how i was spending my time. i found that this alone helped me sleep. I wasn’t doing everything; but, i was doing something…or, 15 somethings, if i finished them all each day.
i tried to fit the formula into my hand, so i could remember it more easily:
1 – time with God. I was once taught that we should live our lives for an audience of One, and that has been a truth to which i try to constantly return when i am overwhelmed. I can’t make everyone happy. Some days, i wonder if i’ve made ANYONE happy. But, my primary concern is living my life as the person God created me to be. To me, the best way to know how to do that is to spend time with Him, with the Bible. So, each day, i try to start/end my day with Him. One quiet time. One prayer. One verse. Audience of One.
2 - things to do together. At one time, i wasn’t married; then, i was, and there was this man living in my home and eating my cheese. That was a transition. Suddenly, i had a whole new person to consider. So, i’d make an effort to do two things for my husband each day…anything from giving him a cookie to just spending time playing scrabble. When he wasn’t available to be 2′d, i’d still try to do something for him, like buy him his own cheese.
3 – things for me. This sounds more fun than it actually was. This wasn’t so much about playing as it was about survival. In addition to not sleeping well, i wasn’t eating great, wasn’t moving enough, and was so stressed i just felt tired all the time. So, i tried to make myself do 3 healthy-type things each day. Some were fun….eating vegetables, not so much. Eventually, i decided laughing counted, as did hobbies, as they are both stress-reducers. So, those are now included.
4 – things for others. This is important to me because people are important. Sometimes, this was about volunteering; but, it was also about making time to catch up with someone or giving a friend a call. In my world, middle schoolers are often the others….but, everyone counts here.
5 – more minutes….or, 5 things back in their place or 5 errands done or… Basically, this was about taking care of business, in tiny pieces. If i could check a few things off my list each night, i could give myself a break from the other 182 items still to be done. 5 + 5 + 5 + ...eventually adds up to more than 5.
it has now been a year or so, and i still count my fingers at night and see how i’m doing. Sometimes, my 4 is 18 and my 2 is 1…often, my 3 is 1 and my 5 is 20. But, it’s not about always getting it all done; it’s about keeping these five things on my radar and putting first things first.
i still walk around in one sock sometimes, and i still wake up in the middle of the night and leave incoherent messages for people. But, i now sleep a little better.
juggling life doesn’t always mean keeping it all up in the air. I often find the laundry tumbling down or the cat hurling towards my head. That’s where the blog comes in. Here will be stories on the journey, ideas, reminders. There will not likely be many profound thoughts here, and no high tech talk; but there will surely be stories about jr highers saying awkward things and many references to snacks…the things that help me sleep at night.
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